Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a bowl of Bak Kut Teh?
Thou art more fatty and more like a carrot:
Rough winds do shake the flabs of thee, May,
And summer's heat could not melt your fat away,
Because it hath all too short a date:

Sometimes too hot the bloody sun shines,
And often is your wits dimm'd;
And almost every fat from fat sometimes declines,
By chance or celebrity's fitness, but thou art always,
unslimmed:

But thy eternal waistline shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that porky leg thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thine cellulite in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thy thigh growest:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long as men still have common sense to be,
So long as men can picture an acacia tree,
So long lives this and they will remember the ugliness of thee.

Because...

When Dr. Carotta is asked by one of his peer about the usage of because, he answered:

"You cannot use three times of the word because because because is a conjunction"

His colleague then pick up his CRT bulky computer monitor and hit Dr. Carotta until he is dead...

THE END

The Secret Life of Hen von Cluck

Constantly annoyed by his immediate neighbours is our hero, Hen von Cluck. Datuk Sir Hen von Cluck, affectionately known as Clucky, is always subjected to persistent bullying. The myriads of bull fighting is given to him by his half-trained matadors. Not to even mention the since-forever-never-washed-toilets at the further northern end of the society den of dens.

There he was, happily clucking his way to oblivion. His wish of performing the arts to the fullest has been crushed when the Wizard of Ultimate Retirement waged war against the den warlock. The warlock, left with no choice, pulled out all his loots and booties, and entrusted them to the Wizard of Ultimate Retirement to secure his place on the throne until the next election.

Hen von Cluck, upon hearing the news that the loots and booties are being guarded by the evil-and-old-hag-like wizard, quickly devise a scheme to take back what is his. He joined forces with the Princess of Pricey Goods (where Gucci is the norm and LV is nothing but welcome rugs). Clucky then flies to the end of the kingdom to secure the Gold of Extremely Expensive, where 999 golds are stored in the Heavenly Palace of Expensive Stuff.

He get the key to the palace and quickly made a duplicate through the uncle who open a key shop who is selling fake keys on the road side. Clad in loose apek-like singlet, our apek key-maker asked our hero what kind of key he wants while scratching his bloated beer belly. After he lets out a blurp, our hero just gave him they key and wait for fifteen heroic minutes for the not-so-heroic apek to duplicate the key to him. wahhh...

Oy! Came from our hero when he found out that his key being fashioned from recycled and Pepsi Max (sugar-free) cans. The apek, still scratching his belly, let out the loudest blurp that beats the Concorde airplane and said,

'now heng (popular) recycle ma... you dunno meh?'

Running out of time, he grabs Princess of Pricey Goods and roll to the Heavenly Palace of Expensive Stuff. On the way, Princess of Pricey Goods breaks his Gucci limited edition Hiking High Heel shoes. They mourn for twenty four years there.

After twenty four years of mourning, the whole kingdom has been conquered by the Wizard of Ultimate Retirement. There is nothing they can do as they are now wrinkly and saggy as well. The Wizard of Ultimate Retirement has pass on his throne to his Son of Ultimate Baby-ness...

The lesson of the story is, don't buy Gucci High Heels.

THE END